Ok, more from the weird annals of the abandoned e-mail account. Here's a draft that's been there for I don't know how long. I think it was a cut-up from craigslist postings, probably the "free" section:

Will trade potential enlightenment
for sorting flour from bag of rice
...Have windows, Need gates
"WHAT ELSE?"
White Clock- that you can hang it on the wall
White Clock- that doesn't work for some unknown reason
Silly me. No overhang over door+no sunshine=wet mat

In return for leftover Halloween...
...we are ooking